Happy 60th Birthday Gift

For my 60th birthday, I invited several tables of friends to celebrate with me. I was especially happy because my daughter and son-in-law had promised to prepare longevity noodles for me.

But unexpectedly, they arrived almost an hour late.

All my guests had already arrived, and I kept waiting for them. I became increasingly anxious and also felt embarrassed in front of my guests. I was very angry. I even wondered, “Did I fail in raising my child? Why doesn’t she seem to value me?”

Then suddenly, beneath the anger came a deep sadness.

I couldn’t say anything. The tears simply began to flow.

When I attended psychodrama, I brought this experience into the session. I asked the facilitator, “Is there something wrong with my relationship with my daughter? Why does what she does affect me so deeply?”

Through the psychodrama process, I gradually discovered that what truly hurt me was not simply that my daughter was late.

Her lateness had touched something much deeper—the childhood feeling of not being valued by my own mother.

As a child, I often felt that I was not important and not worthy of being cared for. So when my daughter did not meet my expectations, I became easily sensitive. I interpreted her actions as meaning that she did not value me or love me.

But looking back now, I realise that my daughter has actually always cared about me.

My daughter was not the problem.

She simply helped me see a part of myself that was still waiting to be healed.

This psychodrama experience taught me something important:

Don’t use the hurts of the past to interpret the relationships of the present.

And don’t use whether our children meet our expectations as proof of whether we are worthy of love.

I want to say to my daughter:

“I’m sorry, and thank you.”

And even more importantly, I want to say to myself:

“I am important. I am worthy of love.”

This is one of the most precious gifts I am giving myself as I enter this new chapter of life after 60.

Huihui & Carolyn Lim
14th September 2026